Narcissism and Relational Abuse - Recognizing Harmful Patterns and Rebuilding Hope
When It’s Not Just Miscommunication—It’s Emotional Harm
Some wounds in a relationship don’t come from yelling or violence. They come from silence. Dismissal. Blame. They come from the subtle erosion of your confidence, your intuition, your sense of self.
You might be wondering:
Is this emotional abuse?
Am I overreacting?
Why do I feel so confused all the time?
You're not alone—and you're not imagining it. Whether you're dealing with narcissistic traits, manipulative patterns, or full-blown relational abuse, this page is here to help you name what’s happening and begin to reclaim your clarity.
Who This Is For
Partners who feel unseen, unheard, or blamed for everything
Individuals navigating a relationship with someone who lacks empathy or accountability
Those recovering from patterns of control, emotional manipulation, or neglect
People who have been called a narcissist and want to understand how they show up in relationships
A Note About Narcissism—and the Hope for Healing
Narcissism exists on a spectrum.
As therapist Wendy Behary writes in Disarming the Narcissist, a healthy level of narcissism can be part of confident, secure functioning. But when those traits become extreme—when empathy is absent, criticism is constant, or control overshadows connection—they cross into harmful territory.
At Insights, we don't reduce people to labels. True Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) is rare. But narcissistic traits—like defensiveness, entitlement, or emotional coldness—are common in relational breakdowns, especially when betrayal or power struggles are present.
This resource is for both partners:
For the person trying to name what feels off or painful
And for the one who’s been told they’re narcissistic and doesn’t want to stay stuck in those patterns
Healing is possible when we stop blaming, start reflecting, and commit to real change. Traits can shift. Empathy can grow. Relationships can be repaired—if both partners are willing to do the work.
What You’ll Find Here
This page gathers blog posts, insights, and tools to help you:
Understand narcissistic behavior in the context of relationships and betrayal
Recognize emotional abuse that doesn’t leave physical scars
Rebuild your voice, boundaries, and self-trust
Explore next steps, whether you're staying or leaving
Consider your own growth, even if you've harmed someone you love
Looking for Therapy?
We specialize in helping individuals and couples heal from relational harm—including narcissistic traits and betrayal trauma. Our therapists are trained to hold space for both the pain of the partner and the potential for change in the relationship.
If you’re ready for support, visit:
You deserve therapy that honors your reality and supports your growth.
Blog Posts You May Find Helpful
These posts are tagged to this topic and will be collected here as your library grows:
Is He a Narcissist or Just Self-Absorbed?
The Subtle Signs of Relational Abuse
When Empathy Is Missing: Narcissism and Sexual Betrayal
What Real Repair Looks Like After Emotional Abuse
Can People with Narcissistic Traits Really Change?
Browse most recent narcissism and relational abuse posts →
type in narcissism or abuse to see a list of all related blog posts →
Books to Help You Understand
—and Begin to Heal
These books don’t all use the same language—but each one offers insight into controlling or emotionally harmful behavior in relationships. They’re included here to help educate on where patterns of abuse can lead, especially when they go unexamined. Some will help you name what you’re experiencing. Others offer tools for setting boundaries, reclaiming your voice, or supporting a partner who is ready to change.
For Understanding Narcissism
Written primarily for partners, this book helps you identify narcissistic traits in your relationship while offering compassionate tools for protecting yourself and navigating interactions. Grounded in schema therapy, it encourages healing without vilifying—and honors the dignity of both individuals, even in difficult dynamics.
Disarming the Narcissist
– Wendy Behary
A powerful guide if you’re dealing with a partner who minimizes, blames, or lacks empathy. Offers strategies rooted in schema therapy for protecting your sense of self.
Understanding Patterns of Emotional and Relational Abuse
These books help you recognize signs of emotional or psychological abuse—even when the harm is subtle, confusing, or hidden beneath charm or justification.
The Emotionally Abusive Relationship
– Beverly Engel
For those unsure if what they’re experiencing is emotional abuse, this book helps identify harmful patterns and begin the journey back to your own voice and clarity.
Why Does He Do That?
- Lundy Bancroft
A clear, powerful guide to understanding the mindset behind controlling and abusive behavior. Bancroft walks readers through the tactics, entitlement, and belief systems that fuel emotional harm—helping partners name what’s happening and trust their instincts.
When Men Batter Women
- Neil Jacobson & John Gottman
Based on research with abusive partners and their relationships, this book explores what drives battering behavior—emotionally, psychologically, and relationally. A useful resource for understanding the deeper patterns that underlie abuse and what makes real change possible.
If You’re Sitting With the Weight of These Words, You’re Not Alone
We walk with partners through betrayal trauma therapy, support couples navigating sex addiction, and, if divorce is on the table, offer discernment counseling for couples who aren’t sure whether to end the relationship or try one more time. If you're reading this as a last hope—if part of you feels done, but another part is still here—there’s space for that too. There is help. There is hope. And there is still room for healing.