Why Trust Needs Constant Nurturing in Long-Term Relationships
When couples talk about trust, it’s often in the past tense. “I used to trust him before the affair.” “I thought I could trust her, but now I’m not sure.” But here’s something I want you to know:
Trust isn’t a moment in time. It’s a practice. A rhythm. A way of showing up—again and again.
In long-term relationships, it’s easy to assume that once trust is earned, it’s locked in. But the reality is that trust is more like a garden—it grows when tended, and withers when ignored. Even healthy couples can start to feel distant or uncertain when the daily deposits of trust fall away.
Trust Isn’t Built in Grand Gestures—It’s Built in Micro-Moments
You don’t need a weekend getaway or a major apology to build trust. In fact, some of the most powerful moments are the ones that seem small:
Turning toward your partner when they make a comment instead of staying glued to your phone
Saying “I hear you” instead of jumping to fix or debate
Showing up on time
Keeping a confidence
Following through on something you said you’d do—even if it’s small
These little actions tell your partner: I’m reliable. I’m paying attention. You matter.
In Gottman Method Couples Therapy, we call this building your emotional bank account. Every positive interaction is a deposit. Every missed bid, broken promise, or critical comment? A withdrawal. Over time, those deposits or deficits create the emotional climate of the relationship.
Even the Best Relationships Drift Without Maintenance
Sometimes, when couples come in for therapy, there hasn’t been a betrayal or a big rupture. They just feel… off. Disconnected. Irritated more easily. Sex is infrequent or feels transactional. Laughter is rare.
When we explore what’s happening, it often comes down to this: the small trust-building moments have eroded. Maybe they stopped checking in during the day. Maybe one partner started saying “I’m fine” instead of naming what they needed. Maybe the rush of parenting or stress at work created a wedge of benign neglect.
This doesn’t mean the relationship is broken. But it does mean it needs attention.
Trust and Emotional Safety Go Hand in Hand
When trust is strong, you can relax in the relationship. You don’t have to read between the lines or second-guess everything. You know that if something feels off, you can name it—and you’ll be met with curiosity instead of defensiveness.
But emotional safety doesn’t appear out of nowhere. It’s created over time, when partners learn how to:
Repair after conflict
Express needs without blame
Listen without getting overwhelmed or shutting down
Be reliable even when it’s inconvenient
This is why trust can’t be a one-time vow—it has to be a living part of your relationship.
How to Start Tending to Trust Again
If things feel a little disconnected in your relationship lately, you’re not alone. Many couples go through seasons where trust isn’t broken, but it’s definitely been neglected. The good news? You can start nurturing it again right now. Here are a few ways:
Daily check-ins: Just five minutes to ask, “How are you doing today?” can reconnect you
Follow through: If you said you’d call, call. If you said you’d handle the grocery run, do it
Own your mistakes: A simple “I missed that, and I’m sorry” can repair more than you think
Turn toward, not away: When your partner speaks or reaches out, try to meet it with presence
Share appreciations: Tell them what you noticed and valued in them today
None of these require perfect timing or grand romance. They just require intention.
“Trust doesn’t grow in grand gestures. It’s built in the quiet moments when we choose to turn toward each other—again and again.”
From the Inside Out
When couples tend to trust daily, they begin to feel more secure—not because everything is perfect, but because their connection is dependable. Trust doesn’t need to be flawless to be strong. It just needs to be nurtured.
If this post resonates with where you and your partner are right now, our therapists are here to help. We specialize in couples work and would love to support you in restoring trust and connection in your relationship. Call today to schedule a session and begin building trust, from the inside out.