Name It to Tame It — Why Emotion Vocabulary Heals
Have you ever said “I’m fine” when what you really meant was, “I feel invisible, unimportant, and shut out”?
Or told your partner, “I’m just stressed,” when underneath, you were actually feeling anxious, inadequate, and afraid of letting them down?
These are moments we all have. We grab for quick labels or default to vague feelings because we don’t have the time, safety, or skill to slow down and name what’s really going on.
But naming our emotions precisely is one of the most powerful steps we can take toward emotional healing and relational repair.
Psychiatrist Dr. Dan Siegel coined the phrase "Name it to tame it" to describe what happens in the brain when we put language to our emotional experiences. Neuroscience shows that when we name what we feel, our brain activity shifts from the reactive limbic system (think: fight, flight, or freeze) to the more reflective prefrontal cortex. We regain access to logic, compassion, and perspective.
In other words: naming a feeling helps us calm down, think clearly, and stay connected.
What’s So Bad About Vague Feelings?
When we use generic emotional words like "bad," "fine," or "upset," it doesn't give us (or others) much to work with. We may:
Overreact without knowing why
Shut down and withdraw
Miss opportunities for connection
Feel overwhelmed by the intensity of an unnamed emotion
But when we pause and say, "I feel overwhelmed because I also feel unprepared and a little ashamed," we’ve named something meaningful—and that emotion can now move instead of staying stuck.
Emotions Are Data, Not Directives
It’s important to remember: naming an emotion doesn’t mean acting on it.
You can feel jealous and not sabotage. You can feel afraid and still show up. You can feel sad and not spiral. The goal of naming isn’t to justify impulsive behavior—it’s to get clarity about what’s driving you internally so you can respond with intention.
Naming creates space between your emotion and your reaction.
Try This: Name It to Tame It
Next time you feel activated, pause and try this 3-step process:
Start with a core emotion (from the center of the Feelings Wheel): Happy, Sad, Angry, Afraid, Disgusted, Surprised, or Bad.
Zoom in: What flavor of that emotion are you feeling? Is it disappointment, shame, joy, jealousy, panic?
Get even more specific: Use the outer edge of the Feelings Wheel or your own words. Are you feeling invisible? Betrayed? Energized? Confident?
The more specific you can be, the more your body and mind will start to settle.
Final Thought
Being able to say, "I'm not just angry—I'm feeling dismissed and powerless," isn't weakness. It’s emotional courage.
It’s a healing move for you and a connecting move for your relationships.
Ready to go deeper?
This post is Part 1 of our "Name It to Tame It" series, a resource for:
Building emotional awareness in everyday life
Navigating relational distress with clarity and compassion
Slowing down instead of shutting down
You’ll especially find this helpful if you’re navigating:
Couples therapy and want to communicate more clearly
Betrayal trauma and feel overwhelmed by your emotions
Sex therapy and need help identifying blocks or shutdowns
Family therapy and want to model healthy emotional regulation
Want to practice this together? Start by naming one emotion you're feeling right now.
Explore more in our blog series or connect with one of our therapists at Insights Counseling Center.
Stay tuned for Part 2: From Vague to Precise — Using the Feelings Wheel to Build Awareness
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