When One Voice Carries More Weight: Understanding Power Imbalances in Relationships
“If you’ve ever felt like your voice carries less weight in the relationship—or like everything depends on you—you’re not alone.”
Many couples come into therapy thinking their main problem is communication, intimacy, or constant conflict. And while those issues are real, they’re often symptoms of something deeper: an imbalance of power inside the relationship.
Power imbalances don’t always look dramatic or controlling.
Most of the time, they form slowly—through habits, personalities, fears, roles, or survival strategies. What started as a practical arrangement or a personality difference gradually becomes a pattern where one partner’s voice carries more weight than the other’s.
And over time, the relationship stops feeling like a true partnership.
What Is a Power Imbalance in a Relationship?
A power imbalance happens when one partner consistently has more influence over:
Decisions
Finances
Emotional conversations
Parenting
Social life
Sexual intimacy
The overall direction of the relationship
This doesn’t always come from bad intentions. In fact, in the majority of couples, these roles develop because:
One partner is more decisive
One partner earns more money
One partner avoids conflict
One partner takes on more responsibility
One partner is more emotionally expressive
One partner fears loss more than the other
Over time, these differences harden into roles.
And those roles quietly shape who gets heard—and who doesn’t.
How It Feels on Both Sides
When we talk about power imbalances, it’s easy to assume there’s a “strong” partner and a “weak” one. But in the therapy room, it rarely feels that simple.
The partner with less influence often feels:
Unheard or invisible
Afraid to speak up
Dependent or insecure
Resentful or emotionally shut down
Like they have to earn their place in the relationship
The partner with more functional power often feels:
Overwhelmed by responsibility
Like everything depends on them
Frustrated by lack of follow-through
Alone in carrying the mental or emotional load
Confused about why their partner is withdrawing or resentful
Neither partner usually set out to create this dynamic.
Most of the time, they simply adapted to each other—and the roles took on a life of their own.
How These Patterns Quietly Form
Power imbalances often grow from very human places:
Personality differences
One partner is more assertive or decisive. The other is more easygoing or conflict-avoidant. Decisions begin to default to the more assertive partner.
Life circumstances
One partner earns more, travels for work, or has specialized knowledge. They naturally take the lead in certain areas.
Family-of-origin models
One partner grew up in a household where one person always led. The other learned to stay quiet to keep the peace.
Trauma or fear of loss
If one partner fears abandonment more deeply, they may give up their voice to maintain the relationship.
Overfunctioning and underfunctioning
One partner steps in to handle more and more. The other gradually steps back. What began as help becomes a fixed role.
None of these are signs of failure.
They’re signs of two people doing the best they could with what they knew.
But over time, these roles can erode respect, attraction, and emotional safety.
The Hidden Cost of Unequal Power
When one partner consistently holds more influence, the relationship begins to lose something essential: mutuality.
You may start to notice:
One partner always making the decisions
One partner carrying the mental load
One partner initiating all emotional or physical connection
One partner walking on eggshells
One partner threatening to leave during conflict
One partner feeling like a parent instead of a partner
Eventually, the relationship can start to feel:
One-sided
Heavy
Unfair
Emotionally distant
More like a hierarchy than a partnership
And both partners feel the strain—even if in different ways.
What Healthy Power Actually Looks Like
Healthy relationships are not about perfect equality in every moment.
There will always be differences in personality, income, energy, and strengths.
But strong, stable couples share one key trait:
mutual influence.
This means:
Both partners’ opinions matter
Decisions are made with each other in mind
Responsibility is shared over time
Emotional conversations are possible for both people
Neither partner lives in fear of losing their voice
In Gottman Method research, this idea is called accepting influence.
It’s one of the strongest predictors of long-term relationship stability.
Healthy couples don’t fight for power.
They learn how to share it.
A Gentle Reflection
As you think about your own relationship, consider these questions:
Whose voice tends to carry more weight in decisions?
Who carries more of the responsibility?
Who brings up emotional or relational concerns?
Who feels more afraid of losing the relationship?
Where do you feel balanced—and where do you feel uneven?
These questions are not about blame.
They’re about awareness.
Because once a pattern becomes visible, it can begin to change.
How Couples Therapy Helps Rebalance Power
In couples therapy, we’re not trying to flip the power dynamic or make one partner “stronger” than the other. The goal is to help the relationship become more collaborative, stable, and mutually respectful.
That often involves:
Slowing down reactive conversations
Helping each partner find their voice
Reducing overfunctioning and underfunctioning roles
Building emotional safety
Creating shared decision-making
Strengthening mutual respect and influence
When power becomes more balanced, couples often notice:
Less resentment
More attraction
Better communication
Greater emotional safety
A stronger sense of partnership
The Goal Is Not Control. It’s Partnership.
If your relationship feels uneven, that doesn’t mean it’s broken.
It may simply mean the two of you have drifted into roles that no longer serve your connection.
Power imbalances are common.
They’re also very changeable.
With the right support, couples can move from:
Control to collaboration
Resentment to respect
Roles to relationship
Unequal power to shared partnership
And that shift can change everything.
If you’re noticing these patterns in your relationship, couples therapy can help you slow down, understand the roles you’ve fallen into, and build a more balanced, connected partnership together.
In the coming posts, we’ll look at specific types of power imbalances that show up in real relationships—and what healing them can look like.
If Your Relationship Feels Uneven, That Doesn’t Mean It’s Broken.
It may simply mean the two of you have fallen into roles that no longer serve your connection.
In couples therapy, we help partners slow down, understand these patterns, and rebuild a relationship where both voices matter.
If you’re ready to work toward a more balanced, connected partnership, you can learn more about our approach to
Couples Therapy at Insights Counseling Center or schedule a consultation.