To Stay Married or Divorce: How to Make a Decision You Can Live With
It’s one of the most difficult crossroads you’ll ever face:
Should I stay in this marriage, or is it time to walk away?
You may have wrestled with this question in the quiet hours of the night, gone back and forth in your journal, or whispered it to a trusted friend. You might be grieving what used to be, imagining what life could look like on the other side, or desperately hoping for a sign.
If this question is living in your body right now, I want you to know: you’re not alone. And you don’t have to decide in a vacuum.
Why This Decision Feels So Heavy
Marriage isn’t just about two people—it’s about a whole ecosystem of shared history, dreams, kids, finances, extended family, faith, and identity. You’re not choosing between two options. You’re choosing between two lives.
And each option carries risk.
Stay, and you risk continuing in a pattern of pain or disconnection.
Leave, and you risk regret—or missing a chance at healing.
So it’s no wonder your heart feels pulled in all directions.
Common Fears on Both Sides
No matter which way you lean, there are often powerful fears beneath the surface:
If I stay…
Will I keep losing myself?
Can things really change?
What message does this send to my kids?
If I leave…
Will I ruin my family?
What if I end up alone?
How do I know I gave it everything?
These are valid questions. And ignoring them—or rushing past them—can create even more pain in the long run.
The Myth of Certainty
You may be waiting for 100% certainty before you decide. That’s understandable. But for most people, that moment never comes.
What’s more realistic is reaching a place of clarity and confidence—enough to make a grounded decision that aligns with your values, your needs, and your integrity.
That’s where discernment counseling comes in.
What Discernment Counseling Offers
Discernment counseling isn’t traditional couples therapy. It’s not about fixing the relationship right now—it’s about understanding it. It’s a short-term, structured process designed to help couples decide which of three paths they want to take:
Keep things as they are (status quo)
Move toward separation or divorce
Commit to a period of couples therapy to work on the relationship, with clear goals
Unlike therapy that assumes both partners want to repair things, discernment counseling is safe for couples where one or both aren’t sure yet. It honors the ambivalence without pressuring a decision—and helps uncover whether healing is truly possible or whether letting go is the next right step.
"You don’t need to be sure of everything.
You just need enough clarity to take the next honest step."
What Clarity Looks Like
Clarity doesn’t always feel good—but it does bring peace.
You may come to realize that your partner is willing to grow with you, and you feel open to trying.
You may come to see that you’ve already emotionally detached, and staying would be dishonest.
Or you may come to name what hasn’t been said before—either way, the silence breaks.
That clarity gives you the power to act—not from fear, not from pressure, but from purpose.
And if faith is part of your life, this is also a time to listen closely: to prayer, to wise counsel, and to the quiet conviction that often speaks in stillness. God’s voice is rarely loud—but it is faithful. Discernment means making space to hear it.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
This is one of the most significant decisions of your life. You deserve support that matches its weight.
Whether you choose to work on your marriage or choose to part ways, we’re here to walk alongside you—not to make the choice for you, but to help you make the choice with wisdom, self-respect, and spiritual integrity.
You’re Allowed to Choose What’s Right for You
Marriage is sacred. So is your wellbeing. If you’re asking the question, Should I stay or should I go?—give yourself the chance to answer it with clarity and courage.
And if you’re a person of faith, you’re not stepping away from God by asking this question—you’re stepping toward honesty, toward wholeness, and maybe even toward healing.
Discernment counseling offers a space where both your relationship and your beliefs are honored—where you can listen not just to your fears, but to your faith.Call today to schedule a session.